#anyway fiddleford controls the radio i love them

[pisstorymuseum]

rare fiddauthor happiness moment

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

For anyone just joining in, this is a Gravity Falls alternate ending fic and @themadcapmathematician and I are rolling dice to see what happens for this chapter and the following few.  It’s...  made for some interesting results... Summary:

Well, we've rolled the dice and here's the beginning of the outcome:

Bill's henchmaniacs attack. Bill is... well... himself... Dipper coordinates the crew's attempt to survive, Dan has issues with a moving floor, Wendy kicks ass, Fiddleford struggles to gain control, Blubs and Durland meet misfortune (we apologize for this but man, they rolled so low... I promise we'll make it up to them later.) Celestabellebethabelle breaks a tooth (maybe?), Mabel struggles with dentures, and Ford... well... you'll see. (Poor guy, he tries so hard...)

Notes:

So. Many. Characters. *Slams fists on table* AND THE HEROES ROLLED SO BADLY!!! Seriously though, it's really difficult to coordinate all of these characters and what they're doing when...

Chapter Warnings:   Fantasy violence? Overall Warning: Major character death.

Thanks again to @themadcapmathematician!  It's been tons of fun and I'm really looking forward to where this is going.

Chapter 1 - Prelude.  Thirty years in the future, Dipper, Mabel, and their entire families meet up at the Mystery Shack for the holidays and reminisce with Grunkle Stan. Chapter 2 - Weirdmageddon.  Ford finds himself held captive by Bill. Chapter 3 - Dipper and Mabel to the rescue! Chapter 4 - Fiddleford shows off his newest creation. Fiddleford and Ford smiled to one-another, nostalgia washing over them at the idea of working side-by-side once more, surrounded by the whir of machine parts and the smell of iron. The moment of bliss crumbled with a strengthening clatter outside the vessel, as if a hailstorm was beating against the metal armor. A swarm of eyebats seemed to materialize out of the psychedelic storm surrounding the Fearamid and rain down on the DDRD3000, beating their wings against the hull in a relentless barrage. They shrieked in demonic harmony, bitterly loud, but whether the intention was to unnerve their prey or alert their cohorts to the presence of the offending machine was difficult to discern. In the control center, Dipper and the crew froze in a moment of stunned awe as some sections of plating glowed with heat, warping as the eyebats shot their lasers into the metal. Tate was half-way down the ramshackle stairs in the dragon's throat when the eyebats slammed into its body. He quite nearly lost his footing and tumbled down the spiral of copper pipes and propeller blades, but managed to grab onto the railing, his arms straining to stop his fall. Not one to be perturbed for long at the meeting of misfortune, he returned to his decent, quickening his pace. Worries about his father sprung up in his mind, but he brushed them aside and focused in his task, thinking of nothing but keeping a proper grip on the railing and his feet sturdy on the steps. The vessel creaked and rocked, but he managed to make it down intact, legs wobbly as he took calculated steps toward the canon mount centered in the robot's mouth. Xanthar was the first of Bill's cohorts to spy the hoard of eyebats swelling over a section of the Fearamid, which was impressive considering his lack of eyes. He found no point in the henchmaniac politics, or pleasing Bill in particular, but he did love a good fight, and these intruders were about to be met with one.  He stamped on the ground a few times and charged, aiming directly at the swarming mound of eyebats. Many of them scattered, but just as many failed to get out of his way in time as he careened into the ship at breakneck speed. “They’re breaking through!” Dipper shouted over the communication system as three holes spread open in the left side of the dragon’s hull, their edges glowing and melting until they opened wide enough to allow the eyebats to squeeze inside. “I’m on it!”  Manly Dan replied, rushing over with an extended fist, aiming squarely for the middle of one of their eyes.  Just as he thrust his fist forward, the entire dragon jostled around him as the breadloaf-shaped monster headbutted its rear.  He fell forward, splayed flat on his face beneath the three bats’ flapping wings. Pyrronica’s pondering over the nature of the barrier separating herself and her cohorts from the rest of the world screeched to a halt at the sound of a crash just behind her. She whipped around to find a mechanical dragon clinging to the side of Bill’s majestic fortress. Xanthar squatted below it, shaken by the impact of his attack and eyebats dotted the sky surrounding it, their lasers blasting at its metallic body.  “What the?!” She shouted, “Oh no you don’t!” She leapt into the air, sucking in a deep breath.  Just as she was about to huff out a swath of fire, five eyebats, still disoriented from Xanthar’s charge fluttered across her vision.  The stream of fire sputtered, sending a rain of fireballs down over the Fearamid. “We’ve lost our grip!” Dipper shouted through his microphone, “McGucket, we need to get out of here! Grenda and Candy are ready whenever you are!” Fiddleford scrambled back into the pilot’s seat. He glanced at the ceiling where the eyebats were steadily melting through. “Ah, well..." he said to Ford, "We might hafta save catchin’ up for another time! Brace yerself!” Ford gripped the arms of his seat, his fingers digging into threadbare vinyl. Another time…  There may not be another-  Unless…  If anyone could come up with something that might succeed in defeating Bill, it’s Fiddleford.  Maybe there's still another way…  His thoughts scrambled as fireballs loomed closer above the window arched over his head. Fiddleford flipped a slew of switches and turned some knobs. The sound of metal screeching and air being beaten into a frenzy began to drown out the eyebats. The dragon heaved and shuddered but didn’t move.  His fist slammed against the control panel. “C’mon now, this ain’t the time!”He glanced out the window just in time to see the fireball hurling towards them. With a shriek, he pulled the joysticks upwards as fast and as far as he could. The Dragon lurched, scraping against the side of the pyramid, narrowly avoiding most of the fireballs... but not all of them. The beastly machine shook as was pummeled and began sliding down the side of the pyramid. "AH!" Dipper's yell carried through the headset as he ducked, narrowly avoiding one of the eyebats swooping far too close to his head.  "There's still eyebats in here!  One of them just tried to dive bomb me!" The three uninvited creatures flapped near the curved ceiling of the central control room, nearly slamming into it as the DDRD300 slid downwards.  Amid the confusion, no one noticed one of them slip away, its eye fixed on the gunner's platform near the passage into the dragon's neck.  Its laser bored into the corrugated metal, melting it with ease. Inside, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland had tumbled out of their chairs before either could fire their cannons in response to the fray, the jerking of the robot's body under the barrage of the attack leaving them disoriented and bruised. “Durland!” Blubs cried as the smaller man fell into his arms. “I’m alright!” Durland said, gripping the Sheriff's shirt tightly. He gave his partner a crooked smile. “Well I am now anyway.”Blubs smiled, a glowing fondness on his face. His attention was torn from Durland when he noticed a buzzing sound behind them. The eyebat's laser piercing through their enclosure. He signaled silently to Durland, who glanced over his shoulder. He covered his mouth to suppress a yelp and nodded.  Blubs reached for the emergency baseball bat under the gunner chairs.The eyebat, however, was already squeezing itself into the enclosure, its beady pupil darting back and forth, searching for its prey.  Before either of them could so much as cry out they were turned to stone. **** The controls strained in Fiddleford’s hands as the dragon’s claws dug into the side of the fearamid. “C’mon, c’mon…” he chanted under his breath. “I know you’ve got it in ya now fly…” The dragon suddenly jolted, the wings flapping at a rapid, steady pace. The screeching of metal on brick stopped suddenly, and Fiddleford’s stomach dropped as the machine took flight.  He let out a whoop of joy and an excited cackle as the mechanical beast soared away from the rain of fire and cycloptic bats. “Fiddleford, that was amazing!” Ford laughed, his eyes lighting up at the sight of open, swirling sky ahead of them, “This machine is incredible!  You're every bit the engineering genius I remember.” Fiddleford beamed at the praise. “Well...shucks…” Static buzzed over the headset and clicked out, replaced by Dipper’s voice, “Great job, guys!  But we still have some eyebats on board and some in pursuit!  Stay on guard.” “I’m on it!” Wendy chimed in before the radio went silent. Seeing her father defeated by the jolting of the dragon’s body had set Wendy on edge. Though he’d regained his footing, he still hadn’t recovered from having the wind thoroughly knocked out of him.  After checking one last time that he was recovering, she snarled up at the two eyebats flapping around the cavernous ceiling of the central control room.  She lifted her ax, aiming it at the center of one of the massive round eyes.  She tipped it back and forth slightly, judging its weight and trajectory before sending it spinning at the flapping creature.  It narrowly missed its mark, slicing into the bat’s wing and pinning it to the ceiling. She growled in frustration, searching for a way to tackle the second cycloptic bat fluttering overhead.  It swooped closer catching a glimpse of its partner, struggling to release itself from the blade lodged into it’s wing, and let out an earsplitting screech.  It’s wings angled back as it dove toward Wendy. With gritted teeth, she leapt in the air, the bat sailing under her.  Her boots dug into the top of it’s single round eye and she propelled herself upwards, aiming for her ax.  Her hand grasped its handle gracefully as the pinned bat’s eye radiated a deadly glow.  Freed from it’s compromising position, it aimed its laser at her but a mighty kick of her boot sent it spinning just as it fired.  The beam fried the second bat leaving a dusting of ash to flutter to the floor like confetti.  Before it could regain its flight pattern, the blade of her ax sliced straight down through it. Her father looked on in awe as she landed with bent knees and a hand bracing her against the floor.  “That’s my girl,” he praised her, doing his best to prevent himself from tearing up. “Wendy!  That was awesome!” Dipper said, his voice carrying through the crew’s headsets.  “For anyone who didn’t get to see what happened, Wendy just single-handedly took out two eye bats!” **** Keyhole had been hovering around his friends, inspecting the barrier and trying to think of some ideas for breaking it in case Bill's human prisoner proved unuseful. His attention was pulled away, however, when he noticed the rest of his company had vanished. His eyes darted around wildly before he spied a commotion involving dust, fire, and eyebats near the Fearamid. He turned to where Bill was hovering near the barrier and raced over to him. The all-seeing eye wasn’t seeing all that much except the infuriating, confounding wall between him and his schemes. Panting and keeling, Keyhole struggled to get his attention. He waved his arm and managed to gasp, “Bill…” Bill didn’t respond. Keyhole waved harder. “Bill...Bill!” Bill let out a noncommittal noise, still sizing up the barrier. With the last of his energy, Keyhole jumped up and down and shouted, “Bill!” Bill turned around, scowling at his henchdemon. “What, Key? I’m kinda in the middle of getting our world domination thing on the road here!  Now if you think whatever’s about to come out of your mouth next is more important, then please,” he snorted, gesturing mockingly, “do go on.” Key pointed at the Fearmid. “There’s um...there’s this…” He realized suddenly that he had interrupted Bill and wasn’t exactly sure of the reason behind it himself. Never a good position to be in. “Look!” Bill scowled for several tense seconds. Finally he rolled his eye. “Ok, you know what, fine…” he grumbled. “I’ll....check it out or whatever…  You know what, how about next time you figure out what news you’re bringing me before you bring it to me, how’s that sound Key?” Key nodded. Well at least he didn’t get disintegrated. Then again that was more of Kryptos’ job. Bill summoned a giant spyglass, still grumbling under his breath and he looked through it. “It’s...it’s just dirt and fire Key.” He adjusted the spyglass. “And some eyebats. And Pyronica blowing up a dragon robot. I mean how urgent is something like…” he paused, squinting through the spyglass. “Wait a second…”  He didn’t remember making a giant robot dragon, or giving anyone permission to blow one up. He adjusted the glass further. The craftsmanship on that flying dragon thing was eerily familiar… and who were those figures in the dragon's eyes?... Crap. Crap crap… “Glasses,” Bill snarled.  “They rescued Fordsy right from under your noses huh, Key?” Keyhole backed away. “Well we were all trying to solve the...  The barrier problem…” “Did we really need everyone standing around staring at the barrier? What were you guys thinking?! What do I pay you for anyway?!” “You...don’t?” Bill threw the spyglass in Keyhole’s direction, a rage brewing in him. His aura began glowing bright, bloody red. Then, suddenly, he laughed, the red dissipating. He turned to the direction of the Fearamid, cracking his knuckles. “You know what Key, I’ll let this all slide…” he chuckled. “It’s not a major problem...yet…” He summoned some clawed hands. “Guess I better go take care of this before you morons find a way to screw it up…” **** The dragon’s wings flapped fiercely, catching enough air to keep the DDRD3000 from crashing into the ground their beats sending gusts of wind outward and scattering eyebats across the sky.  Teeth stood below, readying himself to jump into the fray.  He waited for the wings to flap upwards and took his shot.  He sailed toward the metallic creature, mouth open, and latched onto its tail. “We have an unwanted passenger literally on our tail!” Dipper shouted through the headset.  “Blubs, Durland, if Mabel whips the tail up can you get a clean shot at it?” No answer came through. “Blubs!  Durland!  Are you there?  Do you read me?” No answer.  At first, Dipper thought they may have muted their headsets but when he squinted toward their gunner enclosure, he saw a still smoking hole where an eyebat had wormed its way inside. “Someone go check on them, they’re not answering!" he commanded, "C-Beth, get in there!  If they’ve been turned to stone, get ready to cry on cue again and fix it!” Celestabellebethabell trotted toward the gunners platform, her hooves slipping and skidding across the floor, legs crossing uncomfortably with the dragon’s constant rocking.  She lifted her head to grab the door latch with her mouth.  It wiggled slightly before the dragon lurched forward, the motion of another flap of its wings sending her flying backwards and landing on her stomach.  “Oh sure,” her horn lit up with her snarled words, “Send the one with hooves instead of hands to open a door.  Great plan.  I think I chipped a tooth!” “Mabel!”  Dipper shouted through the headset, “Can you whip the tail around to the left?  Fiddleford, move the head so you and Ford or Tate can get a clean shot and get this overgrown gag gift off of our tail!” “I’m on it Dip-dop!” Mabel whipped the control stick around and around, trying to regain control as the toothy monster weighed it down. The motors in the tail whined under the strain, jerkily trying to respond under the weight and damage taken from the creature.  “Argh, get off you giant pair of dentures!”  She pulled the control stick as hard as she could to the left, the tail struggling to obey the signal. She managed to get the wildly flailing mechanism in a general left-ish direction and laughed triumphantly. “Ha! Got it!...Mostly!” “Great job Mabel!  Fiddleford, how’s it going up there!”  Dipper asked. “I’ve that toothy-lookin’ devil creature in my sights!” Fiddleford responded. “Tate, can you hear me?  Did you make it to the canon yet?” Dipper asked through the headset.  “Tate?  Do you read me, Tate?” After a painful pause Dipper’s voice returned to the headset, “I’m not getting any response, he must not have made it there yet.  Fiddleford, Grunkle Ford, can you hit him with the nose cannons?” Fiddleford glanced at the cannon controls, then back at his hands, each clutching a control stick, his beard wound around a third. “I think I’ve got my hands a tad full here!” he yelped as he pulled the cockpit a bit to the right to avoid some debris. Fiddleford tossed a look at his copilot. “Stanford, I could really use your help!  I can’t reach the cannons!”  He struggled to keep the fanged demon in the sights of the cockpit. “We need to shake this creature if we’re gonna make it out of here!” Ford surveyed the control panel in front of him, eyes darting between flashing buttons, switches, and a multitude of levers.  Sweat dripped into his eyes as he realized exactly how little he knew about working any of the controls.  His hand instinctively hovered near the blaster strapped to his waist, nearly drawing it before rational thought scolded him, reminding him it would be dangerous at best to try to fire it through the dragon’s glass eye.  In a blind panic, he lifted his hand, focused on the monster, and blurted out an incantation that had saved him from countless tight spots in multiple dimensions. Three words of an ancient inter-dimensional language bellowed forth but... Nothing happened.Nothing, except for a horrified expression stretching across Fiddleford’s face. And then, the entire world shook. Ford was tossed back into his seat, his eyes widening as a speck of darkness punctured the sky above the monster, growing and spreading with flame-tinged edges as if someone had set fire to the canvas of swirling colors, leaving a vortex of darkness in its wake.  In less than a second, it matched the size of their airship then doubled and tripled, looming over the fearamid, a gripping whirlwind circling within its star-speckled center as it continued to bleed out across the sky. Teeth tightened his grip on the metallic tail as it whipped up toward the expanding abyss, the entire robot lurching tail-end-up under the void’s pull.  He slipped up it’s tapered end, feet flailing until he wedged his front teeth into a crevasse between two sheets of metal, whimpering as the vacuum kept hold of him.  With the snap of busted bolts and creak of curling metal, the sheet peeled partially away from the dragon’s tail, jarring him loose.  With arms flailing, he was helplessly dragged into the void, his fearful yell disappearing into darkness. “What…  What’s going on?!”  Dipper’s voice reverberated through the crew’s headsets.  “What is that thing?!”  His mouth hung agape as a flame-fringed inky blackness bled across several of the screens surrounding him.  His heart’s already accelerated pace picked up time as he caught a glimpse of Hectorgon on one of the screens, swirling toward the abyss and shrinking until star-speckled darkness engulfed him. On the screen to his right, he saw Kryptos clinging to the remainder of a dead tree.  The wood cracked, shooting out splinters as it broke in half.  He spun tip over toes through the air, hurtling toward the dark expanse.  With his brow lowered in annoyance, he tossed the broken trunk aside and crossed his arms, surrendering to the vacuum above him.  With a sigh he grumbled, “Considering how this day was going, this is actually an improvement…” Hovering just outside the fight, Bill’s ever-watchful eye was fixated on the humans, so pitifully trying to resist him. The portal tore open, suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere, taking Kryptos, Hectorgon, Teeth, and several eyebats into its fold.  Pyrronica clung to the Fearamid, her eyes slammed shut and claws lodged into the black bricks.  Around her, several eyebats flapped furiously, narrowly avoiding the pull of the abyss.  He noted with some relief that Xanthar, too, had huddled to the ground, his own weight doing much of the work to keep him safe.The portal impressed him, or almost did anyway.  There was only one thing which could have caused such an anomaly...  It was just like Ford to tap into a power so infinitely stronger than himself in a nearly admirable display of determination and potential and have no idea how to channel it into a world like this.  He was, Bill thought, rather like a child who’d found a box full of matches and just couldn’t help but give them a try. He chuckled to himself, watching the chaos unfold and making no moves to stop it. “Oh Sixer, Sixer, Sixer...this world likes having you in it just about as much as it likes having me!  Shoulda taken me up on my offer when you had the chance....or maybe just done everyone a favor and kept your distance!” **** Fiddleford realized later he should have been relatively focused on the enormous gap in the time/space continuum brewing above him but he was still too busy gaping at Ford; mumbling bedeviled incantations, casting spells!  It took him a few minutes to process that the spell had gone either horribly wrong or horribly right and an enormous void was currently trying to gobble them up, giant robot dragon and all.